One of the things I struggle with between my two girls is giving to each of them equally. While I’m learning this is a typical struggle throughout families raising special needs kids, it doesn’t relieve the “mommy guilt.”
Recently, I watched as my youngest fell back into her “I’ll do anything to get your attention” role that she sometimes does when feeling deprived. I knew what the behavior pointed toward and recognized that it had indeed been awhile since we had spent any true one on one time together. So, one day after school, knowing my oldest daughter had her own activities going on, I picked my youngest up and took her for a little surprise – some good ‘ol fashion ice cream.
She was beside herself excited about our mommy/daughter time (or maybe it was the ice cream!) 🙂 Regardless we had fun.
As we sat enjoying our melt-in-your-mouth scoops of mint chocolate chip and birthday cake ice-cream scoops, she says, “Why don’t we get our nails done too!” I thought the idea sounded grand and I WAS in need of a pedicure. So, afterwards we walked down to the nail salon and ordered up 2 spa pedicures.
Watching her facial expressions as she enjoyed the chair massage and sugar scrub on her legs was priceless. We were having a blast! Once our toes dried I put on my flip flops and watched as she waddled out to the car in the make-shift salon flip flops they had given her, so as to not mess up her new pretty purple toes. We got into the car, looked at the time and realized we had just enough time to return to pick her sister up.
As we head out of the parking lot my daughter says, “Can we do something else?” I explained we had done two things and that because we were out of time that we needed to head back. Well, this didn’t sit too well with my attention-driven 6, almost 7-year-old. Unfortunately, her fun stopped at that point and her tantrum began.
I took a deep breath and wondered, “Is anything ever enough?”
As I drove home, I thought about how much I am like the 6-year-old girl throwing the fit in the backseat. After all, I had just spent 2 days myself sulking and wondering when the time would come for me to be able to have some “fun.” It was as if I was saying, “Thanks Lord for all the breathing room you’ve given me, the time to write and the space to be creative. It’s been nice, but now I want more.” It hit me as I listened to my little one in the backseat just ungrateful I can sometimes be.
That day as I pondered this a bit more and realized, He’s given me the greatest gift I could ever ask for – the gift of knowing who I am in Him and the room and freedom to live that life out. I had no right to be asking for more. It was time I learn to say thank you and show a bit of gratitude for what He has done for me.
Do you ever struggle with wanting more?