Last Tuesday morning, I awoke ready to ride to school with my kids. It was Bike to School Day for them and so I had planned on riding with them and then heading out for my usual 17.5 mile ride. As the morning progressed from 6:00 a.m. to departure time, I found myself slowly moving into a state of fear. An all too familiar thing for me.
Let me explain.
Monday of that same week, my stubborn self had finally made her way to the doctor for the poison ivy that she had, unfortunately, birthed (two weeks prior, I might add) across her entire body after a working on a landscaping project with her husband. Sadly, the horrible red, itchy rash was no longer manageable with her perfectly safe, over-the-counter medication. She needed something stronger.
Doctor’s appointment made, medicine prescribed, warnings given…”This medication lowers your seizure threshhold.”
Oh, how I no longer wanted to live in the scratchy, itchy misery I was living in and know for sure (basically control my world) that nothing worse than posion ivy was going to occur. Needless to say, this was a difficult test for me.
The Doctor, being cautious as he was, opted to treat me with oral medication instead of giving me a shot in the backside (thank you!) stating, “If anything were to happen, you could just stop the medication.”
Was this supposed to put me at ease?
An hour pass the appointment, now standing face to face with my pharmacist, I batter him with questions. When should I start it? Do I need to take it with food? What are the side effects? And so on. After he had patiently answered all my questions, I paused…and then proceeded…”Is there any concern with the fact that this medication can lower my seizure threshhold?”
Did I mention I have anxiety? 🙂
His response calms me slightly saying since your seizures are controlled – meaning it’s been 8 years since I’ve had one – I’m not so concerned with the fact that it lowers your threshhhold. He continues saying, “I’d be more concerned if it lowered the threshhold and there was a drug interaction with your seizure medication.” A little more relieved, I thank him and continue on my way – admittedly still debating whether or not hydrocortisone cream could get me through this ordeal or not.
Tuesday morning dawns. Will I take the medicine or not? Trying not to think much about it, I (in faith) swallow the pills and head out with the girls on their bikes.
As the girls and I make our way to the school – a mere mile and a half down the street I go back and forth internally. Do I ride? Do I not ride? I really want to ride. I begin my line of questioning. What is the wise thing to do? Do I stay home? If I do, is it because I’m afraid? I knew deep down that was the case if I did ended up riding back home and staying put. I kept repeating to myself “fear leads to wisdom.” I had learned this while reading one of my favorite books, “Voice of the Heart.”
As I paused to prepare for going forth with my ride, I realized I had done all the things I could do and that now I needed to trust that God had me in the palm of His hand. I had spoken with the Dr., double checked with the pharmacist, and alerted my husband of the route I was taking – not to mention I was wearing my road ID bracelet (ya know, in case I needed to be identified…hey at some point I have to laugh at myself). The only additional thing I could have done, was to ask someone to go with me (which I’d likely do in the future). But for that day, I had done everything I needed to do and simply needed to let go of my control and enjoy my day.
While coming to that decision wasn’t easy for me, I have to say that upon arriving back home I was so glad I had chosen to live that moment of my life by faith. The roads, blue skies, farm air, birds and rolling hills were simply what I needed that day. I was at rest and knew He was with me.
What would it look like for you to live a day out in faith? How would it be hard? Could you benefit?
Til next time,