I have been stepping beyond my comfort zone lately. Cycling was never an activity I foresaw myself doing and yet it has become my main source of cardio. Speed walking bores me, running hurts my knees and swimming? Well, let’s just say I’m not in a hurry to put this body into a swim suit – not that the spandex cycling gear is much better! 🙂
I still don’t love cycling. But if I am completely honest with myself, I don’t love any form of exercising. Thus the reason I must weigh it against that which I dislike more: a world filled with anxiety and depression.
With the dawning of each new day I make a decision to live in compliance with that which my body needs or suffer the side affects of choosing not to.
Either way, it’s up to me.
When I consider what God has to say about my days, I quickly hear the words that remind me I am given two choices. One is to live. The other is to die. Harsh? I guess it depends on how you see those words.
Living a life of depression – in my eyes is choosing death. It isn’t a literal one, but it is one that brings me to my knees and surrenders me unable to live my best life. And yet, when I choose to go and ride – despite this being the harder choice – my body is given what it needs to live for that day.
I have been pondering recently the role of Jesus in my life. What exactly is His role? And how does He move in and through me? I was considering his last days in the garden prior to giving his life away and thinking on the words He spoke to His father, “Not my will, Lord, but Yours.”
Thinking on these words of His, I find myself asking deeper questions. Questions such as, “If I am the embodiment of Christ, what am I doing daily to follow His lead?,” and “How do I pick up my cross and bear it in my own life?” and “What exactly does this mean?”
As the words flow from the tips of my fingers, my view clears.
To love others, I must first become broken. For me, this means I must exercise for the sake of fighting anxiety and depression so that my family receives the benefits of a mom and wife (at her best) that is able to live life with them.
And, on the road this means I will face the pain that comes with riding: The hills that burn my thighs; The hurling insults that come from out the car windows passing by; And the attempts at intimidation from those driving vehicles who don’t want to share the road with me. And for what? So that I can have life and my family can have the best of me. Jesus chose this route to show me true love. And so I, too, will share the struggle, so that my love can be seen through the eyes of those most important to me.
As one who has fought the battle with depression and anxiety and come out on top I’ll simply say, it’s hell.
Anything that happens beyond this, is secondary.
And so I ride.
Till next time,
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